H: Did you know that 150% of home invasions are in a home?
M: … … Yeah, that checks out.

what time is it?

H: Oh, hey.

M: Hey.

H: What time is it?

M: 3:25

H: ‘kay, I’m going to finish this suplex then.

cheap pop

H: Thumbs up cheap pop. Let’s hear it for the great state of Oregon!

poopy bars

H: Did you poop on the ground? Do I need to tell you where the monkey bars are?
M: Yeah.
H: Cool.

he likes it!

H: I didn’t have to kill him to get away…but I did…and I liked it…

he’s got a taste

H: Make me a batch of gravy?
M: What are you going to put it on?
H: Nepal.
M: Nepal?
H: Mhmm.
M: Like, the country of Nepal?
H: Mhmm.
M: You want to put gravy on the entire country of Nepal… and then eat it?
H: Mhmm.
M: Huh. I didn’t know you were a cannibal.

sleep, the final frontier

H: Where did you go? You disappeared from sensors!
M: I went to the bathroom.
H: Communication was down, I couldn’t reach you!
M: Can’t I have some privacy while I pee…?