he’ll be even faster than lightning after one bite

H: Hey, come here.
M: What?
H: Look out the window.
M: What am I looking at?
H: It’s Flipper.
M: … Okay… Why is Flipper outside our window?
H: He’s here for a po-boy.
M: Did you MAKE him a po-boy?
H: Yeah, but it’s not dolphin-safe.
M: Why? What’d you make it out of?
H: Coffee.

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seaweed

H: I finally figured out why the lobster blushed.
M: …Why?
H: The sea weed.
M: …What?
H: The sea weeeeeed.
M: I don’t get it.
H: Someday you will.


angry bunny

M: I’ve got no space over here. Move it.
H: Hnnngh…
M: Move your butt! (pinches his butt)
H: Stop! Stop it! That’s not mine, I borrowed it!
M: (shoves him over)
H: That rabbit’s going to be so mad at me…


fiery bears

(My alarm has gone off and I decide to lay in bed a while longer rather than getting up. This seems to worry my still-sleeping boyfriend.)

H: (patting my arm) The bear says is time drive car.
M: (ignoring)
H: Baby? Baby, the house is on fire.
M: No, it’s not.
H: (points over my shoulder at the corner of the bedroom) Fred Meyer’s is on fire.
M: No, it’s not.