what time is it?

H: Oh, hey.

M: Hey.

H: What time is it?

M: 3:25

H: ‘kay, I’m going to finish this suplex then.


emergency sandwich

H: No! Don’t go in that door…gunfire…pinned down…get me a sandwich instead…


sleepwars

H: (thrashing in his blankets) I’m hit! I’m hit!
M: No, you’re not.
H: (stops moving) I’m not?
M: Nope, you’re all good.
H: Oh…
M: You okay babe?
H: Yeah, I’m okay.


bumfight

M: Why are you all the way over there when you’ve got the whole bed?
H: Don’t you treat me like a chump!
M: Okay, I will.
H: You’re gonna get bums to kick my ass.


billy crystal

M: Whatcha doing?
H: Fighting Billy Crystal.
M: Well, can’t you do that on your back?
H: No, I fight drugs for the community.


racoons

H: Wh…what are you doing?
M: Laying here. What are YOU doing?
H: I was fighting a raccoon before you woke me up.
M: How was that going?
H: Well, it was bigger than me.
M: But were you winning?
H: No, I was crying like a little girl.
M: (giggling)
H: Thank you for laughing at me in my time of need.