meeeean cookies

H: You’re covered in Crisco!
M: Uh…wow. Why?
H: So I could set you on fire, like cookies!
M: You don’t set cookies on fire…
H: You do if they’re mean to you.


fiery bears

(My alarm has gone off and I decide to lay in bed a while longer rather than getting up. This seems to worry my still-sleeping boyfriend.)

H: (patting my arm) The bear says is time drive car.
M: (ignoring)
H: Baby? Baby, the house is on fire.
M: No, it’s not.
H: (points over my shoulder at the corner of the bedroom) Fred Meyer’s is on fire.
M: No, it’s not.


a girlfriend’s anger

(I wake up and he is not in bed. After a short search, I find him sleeping on the couch.)

M: Babe, what are you doing out here?
H: You made me come out here.
M: I didn’t make you do anything!
H: You were angry after the fire and made me come out here.


apparently the prostitutes in brooklyn are really hot

M: What are you doing?
H: Watching over the city.
M: You should lay down.
H: I can’t see from here.
M: Just lay back down.
H: Nnnggh…
M: Come on, lay back down on your pillows.
H: You’re the devil. (grumbling) Lay down, lay down… Set you on fire and tell people you’re a prostitute from Brooklyn…