racoons

H: Wh…what are you doing?
M: Laying here. What are YOU doing?
H: I was fighting a raccoon before you woke me up.
M: How was that going?
H: Well, it was bigger than me.
M: But were you winning?
H: No, I was crying like a little girl.
M: (giggling)
H: Thank you for laughing at me in my time of need.